Stop searching for a soul mate and attract your true love

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One of the biggest pitfalls I see in dating is that many singles are on a fruitless search for a soul mate. They conjure images in their mind of this amazing prince or princess who sparkles when they walk into the room. Just like the knight in shining armor, this idea of this one special person will rescue you from single-dom is filled with fantasy. Quite often the desire for that one perfect soul mate can lead many women down the wrong path and Mr. Not-So-Princelike.

The term “Soul mate” is loaded with high expectations that can never be met by the average human being. Although it is a sweet sentiment, it is frequently the source of heartache and romantic delusion. This isn’t about throwing water on your dreams, but about awakening you to the reality of what real love is instead of false love. The following are some examples of the soul mate gone wrong.

Pre-mature Soul mate: This is when you meet someone you have incredible connection with and feel as though you have known them forever. Unfortunately, you meet the person when you are too young and both emotionally unavailable to be in a healthy relationship. When you can’t make it work, you beat yourself up thinking that you have blown your one chance at love. There is only one soul mate and you blew it.

Instant Soul mate: He or she is the person you feel an incredible attraction to immediately and jump head first into a relationship. You both feed the idea that you are soul mates and meant to be. Soon the relationship dies out when one or both fall from their high place when real life issues emerge from a personal crisis or just by him leaving the toilet seat up.

Faux Soul mate: After being single for a while, the fantasy of love becomes so strong that you convince yourself that you are more attracted to someone than you are. You settle for less and play the act of “I finally found him” so you can brag to your friends that you met your soul mate. You may marry him or her but there will always be this lingering doubt that you made the right choice and that your real soul mate is still out there.

One-sided Soul mate: You have found “the one” but unfortunately the object of your desire doesn’t feel the same way. You hang on to someone who doesn’t love you back convincing yourself that he is your “soul mate.” You wait for him to propose or at least to stop introducing you as his “friend.”

Half-baked Soul Mate: You meet when you are both drunk and/or high on mind altering substances. You spend the time of your intoxication fully believing that you are soul mates destined to be together forever.  The romance wears off when you come down from the high and look at the person with sober eyes and think, “Who is this person?”

Not my Soul mate: You meet someone who seems like a perfect fit for you but there isn’t intense drama that you felt in other relationships. You quickly dismiss him or her because they didn’t meet up to your standards of what a soul mate should feel like. You keep thinking that the soul mate experience is something out of this world and you yearn for that mystical connection.

Instead of getting all caught up with the fantasy of a soul mate, why not opt for true love? True love doesn’t have all the fanfare and drama like a soul mate nor does it have all that past-life baggage. This kind of love is about being here and now with each other, not imagining that you were mystically communicating across time and space for lifetimes destined to resolve your past karma.

I am just as spiritual as the next person, but sometimes these mystical ideas are misunderstood and used by the ego to keep you out of true love. If you get grounded in what you really want in a life partner, you will make clearer choices without the distractions of staying involved with someone out of duty or destiny. You will also keep your heart open for what would truly make a good match for you instead of looking over the horizon for someone from NeverNeverland.

When you find true love, you can call him or her your soul mate if you like, but remember it is only a label. The real experience of love is beyond words and limitless in its expression. If your heart is open without the confined expectations for what a soul mate should be, you will discover that true love will find you sooner than you can imagine.



Tags: Articles, dating, dating confidence, intimacy, love, love coach, personal growth, Relationships, subconscious mind