You have a great date with someone and you think he could be a good match for you. The evening goes really well and you feel the chemistry, the connection and have no doubt that he feels the same way. Your excitement wanes each day he doesn’t call after the date. There begins an anxious urge to reach out to connect to keep the fire burning.
You have heard of the supposed dangers of a how a woman shouldn’t pursue the man and then the opposing opinion of how a woman needs to go after what she wants. This leads you confused and wondering what the heck to do so you don’t “screw it up.”
I never liked dating rules and believe every person and situation is unique. Each relationship has it own special pace and there are no hard and fast codes of conduct that work for everyone. Remember, you can’t possibly screw it up with the right person.
Good or bad, your behavior cannot completely control how he feels about you. His decision to pursue (or not) has more to with his inner stuff than the fact that you texted too many times or you may have said the wrong thing at dinner.
You aren’t a dog playing tricks, being rewarded with a treat when you behave. You are also no longer a child to submit to authority of parents and teachers to get the accolades of achievement by following their predetermined set of rules. You are grown woman who shouldn’t have to wait on pins and needles for his decision of whether you fit his style.
The reasons men don’t call or take it slow are wide and varied. One approach may work for some and backfire for others. You just can’t make blanket rules for yourself and the laws of love. If you aren’t sure, you don’t have enough information to make any judgments on proper conduct that is acceptable to him. All you can do is treat yourself well and he will follow your lead or fall away to make room for someone better.
The need to control the pace of the relationship is rooted in fear and there is something deeper going on that has nothing to do with him. You may have the fear of being alone forever, rejected or have a false belief that he is the last man in the world with that “chemistry” feeling. The neediness energy is what drives him away, not the text message.
When you feel the need to pursue, ask yourself why? Why wouldn’t he be banging down your door to see you again if you had such a great connection? Why would you settle for anything less?
You always have a choice and your subconscious mind will keep sending you men who mirror your previous choices. If you keep pursuing men who don’t respond, you will keep attracting them. The only way to break the cycle is to make a different choice.
Choose to believe that you are the prize. You should never have to wonder how he feels about you. A healthy partner won’t hide or play games, he will be a grown man who knows when he has a good thing and will let you know with consistent communication.
If you text him too often, he won’t run away. He’ll let you know if your pace is faster than his so you can both find your balance together. The more maturity and self-love you choose to bring to relationships, the more high-quality men will show up to match what you truly deserve.
Tags: Anxiety, attract love, core beliefs, dating, dating confidence, limiting beliefs, loneliness, love coach, Relationships, subconscious mind, visualization
Leave A Reply (7 comments so far)
Dan
278 days ago
Hi Debi,
Debi, you are a National Treasure! I know this article was written for women but a man can learn from it just the same. Debi, you are so good at what you do I consider you a National Treasure!
All the best,
-Dan
debLove
278 days ago
Yes, this does apply to both. Thanks, Dan XOXO
PhoenixRose360
278 days ago
YES! Exactly anyone who’s interested in you, will make it known, not let you sit wondering. And if you aren’t interested, then please step aside, so I can make room for someone who is!!
Antonia
277 days ago
Great article Debi… you’re truly an expert on this subject!
All the best,
Antonia
Marie
144 days ago
Hi Debi,
This is a wonderful article that I’ve bookmarked because I know I’ll have to refer back to it for reminding. In the past I’ve been guilty of pursuing guys but learned those relationships never work out well. Recently I met someone for the second time. It was a year ago when I first met him briefly and there was a good deal of flirting between us. I didn’t think anything of it because I never take flirting all that serious initially. We’ve had some flirty and fact finding conversations but that’s about it. Now I’m stationed elsewhere and have started wondering about contacting him. You’ve saved me from making a mistake. Deep down I know if he wanted to he’d contact me. Thank you for giving me my power back.
tao of badass
64 days ago
We are a bunch of volunteers and starting a brand new scheme in our community. Your website offered us with helpful info to work on. You’ve performed an impressive job and our whole group will likely be thankful to you.
promotional products adelaide
35 days ago
I delight in, lead to I found just what I was taking a look for.
You’ve ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye