A phrase often said by people who do self-help is “I know that already.” I used to say it all the time, too, and it was the one phrase that kept me stuck. After doing tons of personal development, I heard the same thing repeated by different teachers and would get anxious and hungry for fresh teachings. What I realized is that my frustration was really not about the information, but my own battle with resistance to change.
You see, when you say I know that already and you don’t have the results you want, you are coming from a false state of arrogance. It isn’t your fault; your mind chatter is actually trying to distract you from making a true transformation in your life. Instead of digging deeper into a teaching, it wants you to skip over it and move on to something else as if you are putting a check mark down a list of things you know.
Think about it this way. We receive a lot of information consciously, but if we don’t integrate it on the subconscious level nothing will change. We just get more frustrated because we “know that already” and feel like we are not meant to have what we want or that we are beyond help. In order to change you need to move the information from your head to your heart.
The resistance inside of you will use everything in its power to stop you from growing. It will make personal growth painful so you don’t want to do it and then beat you up when you don’t see immediate results. You then get to the point where you just give up. The sole purpose of resistance is to stop you from growing and, if you listen to it, it will win and you will stay stuck.
This part of you that wants the status quo will blame others and the external world to keep you from looking within for the answers. If you can see this excuse for what it is, you can quickly dismiss it and prevent the chatter from keeping you in neutral.
If you don’t face what you are trying to avoid, nothing external is going to come in to magical change your life. The man won’t come in to rescue you, the dream career won’t just fall into your lap, and you will continue to be dissatisfied. The only way to the other side is to face your inner resistance and being a little uncomfortable in the process so you can truly free yourself.
The best way to build the strength to face your fears is to understand the cost that your current experience is having on your life. When your will to change is stronger than your fear of change, you can easily move through the obstacles – which are all INTERNAL.
To apply this lesson, simply put a pros and cons list on a sheet of paper. What are the benefits that you get from giving up? What are the drawbacks of not going deeper into an issue? Which is stronger? Come up with ways to make the benefits of giving up LESS appealing so you force yourself to keep moving toward your goal.
Remember, personal growth isn’t about fixing yourself or healing something. Your desire for a greater life (more love, wealth, health, etc.) is a natural part of being human. You aren’t fixing a hole, but climbing a mountain to a richer life. No one goes through life unscathed without drama, heartache, sickness and suffering. Everyone has struggles whether they admit it or not – but many do not seek a better way to live. You are already 99% ahead of the rest of the world who just sulks and complains.
If you create an excitement around expanding your knowledge, self-development can never get boring. We are complex creatures with so many different facets about us that are incredibly interesting. When you get into a love relationship, the internal fascination will keep your love evolving and growing. You don’t want to end up stagnant on the couch watching reruns and bored with your partner. To experience a lasting, conscious relationship, you must keep becoming more conscious every day (there is no finish line).
If women weren’t willing to go through temporary pain to gain a greater benefit, none of us would have been born. Luckily self-reflection doesn’t have to be that painful! We are all giving birth to our greater selves and sometimes the contractions can be quite challenging. You determine how long you stay in those contractions and stay stuck in the beginnings of the discomfort. The wise ones know that it is the stretching of the muscles that pushes the baby toward life and gives birth to a new being. Love the stretches, keep focused on your goals and more life and love are waiting for you on the other side.