Lisa was a successful, beautiful woman in her thirties. She wanted to get married, have children and she tried so hard to find a husband. She did a ton of self-help work and felt like she was ready for her dream guy. Every time she met a man who fit her list and she thought she had found “the one,” the relationship only lasted one to three months. The guy always ended up being unavailable emotionally for a long-term commitment.
She came to me frustrated asking me to help her use the law of attraction to manifest her mate. She wanted him NOW as she was reaching the edge of her thirties and time was running out to have children. I felt her pain because I was in her shoes but I knew that her desperation would work against her and she wasn’t ready. She would keep creating the same heartbreak scenario again as she still didn’t master the one key for lasting love.
The problem is that Lisa suffered from premature manifestation. She didn’t have issues getting dates or interest from attractive, successful men. They flew in and out of her life like a revolving door; she just couldn’t get any of them to stick. She wondered if she was flawed, getting too old or needed to tone down her success because it intimated the men she dated. Her failures were only caused by her inability to see her value and the discipline of mind to hold the idea that she was the prize. In other words, she lost her mojo when she liked someone.
There is a strange statistic with lottery winners. 70% of them go bankrupt within five years of winning their prize. Why is that? They didn’t have the mindset to hold on to the money. The subconscious ideas of poverty were still active and created the experience of lack even in the midst of wealth on the external level.
The same thing happens with attracting love. You could randomly draw in a great guy, but if your mind is not set up to receive great love, the relationship will fail. If you come from a love poverty mentality, such as needing him to complete you, you can kiss the new romance goodbye before it even gets off the ground. Worse, you can remain in a relationship filled with internal angst wondering if he is going to leave at anytime. Either way, the picture isn’t pretty and you are feeling worse because you had a taste of what you want but couldn’t hold on to it.
So many singles think that if they just manifested their mate, all will be well. They justify their plight away with explanations such as he just wasn’t the right person or it wasn’t the right timing and that somehow destiny would work its way out. I used to think that too, and I wasted over two decades waiting for my luck to turn around until I finally realized that the master key to lasting love was within me, not in finding my ideal guy.
An easy way to check if you are truly ready for love is to see how you react if you have to wait another year to find each other. If that makes you feel anxious or fearful, you most probably need to work on letting go of the neediness you feel for a relationship. You have to stop believing that the relationship will save you, make you feel better about yourself or give you something you don’t already have. If you don’t address this, you will magnify the needy feelings when you meet someone and he will be gone before the relationship gets warmed up.
No matter how long you have been single and how impatient you may be, if you simply work with this one key, you will manifest your mate sooner and it won’t be premature. When you feel full of love and happy with yourself, you will truly be ready, relaxed and open to give love instead of need love. Don’t be the bankrupt lottery winner. Fill your self-love bank account so you have more to give when he arrives. He’ll be happy to stick around and spread the wealth with you.
Tags: Anxiety, dating, dating confidence, hypnosis for love, law of attraction, limiting beliefs, loneliness, love coach, manifestation, ny love coach, personal growth, relationship dating techniques, subconscious mind, success, visualization
Leave A Reply (5 comments So Far)
Nuala
193 days ago
Debi – so true, I have slowly come to realise exactly what you’ve just said after meeting and getting a taste of exactly what I wanted but didn’t know how to hold onto him…. Now I’ve a clearer idea of where to focus… i.e on myself, on the inside. Next time Mr Amazing shows up I intend to be ready and able to accept him and all the wonderful things I’m going to share with him.
Larita
193 days ago
Great … Thank you for beautiful writing … This is exactly where i am .. And so sad i can easily also loosing what i m finding in me .
Tricia
192 days ago
Thanks for your wonderful advice. You say: “If that makes you feel anxious or fearful, you most probably need to work on letting go of the neediness you feel for a relationship.”
Asking myself this question just worked for me. I have realised that yes, I need to work more on myself and get rid of the anxiety I have now regarding getting a man. From my head I already now, but my heart keeps pushing. It is due to a big crush I have on a superhot nice guy I recently met, which is driving me bananas. I think it is good to stop and say, this is just insane, my hormones are tricking me, there are other superhot true loves out there, withdraw a little and take the long ride to happiness.
On the other hand, to be honest, you say in your book, before the love magnet hypnosis exercise, that men usually start popping out from nowhere. That sort of affirmation creates unconscious expectations that lead to delusion and dissatisfaction, Nobody was popping out after I did the exercise, perhaps because I wasn’t expecting it, either.I know I have to work on my issues, but affirmations like the one mentioned lead to too high expectations.
Love
debLove
191 days ago
Sounds like you are trying too hard. Relax and allow it to flow to you instead of trying to force it. Then you will see men come from everywhere. You also have to do that exercise more than one time to see results – every day for at least 30 days.
Tricia
191 days ago
Thanks Debi.
Yes, I realized that after reading this entry in your blog. I have been alone for a lot of time, and have a nice life on my own. Being alone has never stopped me from doing anything I want or fancy. But somewhat I am transferring anxiety and exhaustion from work to my search for love. I withdraw when I feel needy, as I hate the feeling and how I behave. However, despite me knowing, I am finding hard to relax. My holidays are coming soon and I will be relaxed by them. By them I will have all through your book, hopefully healed and completely relaxed.
Thanks for your wisdom and advice