Yes, you. I know what you are thinking. Me? People tell me all the time that they want a man (or woman) to commit but they keep attracting the ones that scatter and run the moment they give them the slightest hint they are interested. Or, they say they cannot find anyone they feel a connection with or never get any responses from people online. So convinced that the problem is external, they never check in to realize that they are the ones who are actually running away from commitment.
There are those who take responsibility but, instead of being constructive about it, they use their lack of success as a way to criticize themselves. Strangely, this self-deprecation can be soothing in a sick way and keeps them from the committed relationship they desire. Believe or not, some hide behind their personal development process as a way to postpone the possibility of intimacy and positive change.
How do you know if you are a commitment-phobe? Here are the top characteristics in dating and self-help and see if any apply to you. How you do one thing is how you do everything. Do you recognize a pattern in your love life and your approach to personal growth?
In Dating:
1) You cringe when someone wants to get to know you better and fall for the person who is elusive.
2) You fall in love too fast, too hard, too often.
3) You don’t give anyone a chance who doesn’t give you that immediate spark.
4) You always seem to be attracted to unavailable people (emotionally and physically) – yes, that also includes long-distance relationships.
5) You keep your ex in your life even if things aren’t going anywhere and even if he/she still hurts you.
In Personal Development:
1) You cringe when you have to face a deeper emotional issue. You look for a way around it instead of facing it head one.
2) You look for quick fixes in self-help, a fast technique to instantly manifest your dream partner.
3) You are quick to give up and jump to the next “new thing” if you don’t see immediate results in a healing process.
4) You shy away from long term programs or classes or investing time and money on yourself.
5) You keep bringing up the past, hanging on being a victim because you are addicted to the pain.
If you want to break free of your non-committal ways in love and your personal work, you first have to make a decision that you want to change. You see, most people haven’t committed to change yet so they keep recreating the same romantic scenario and same self-defeating behaviors. If you want to attract a committed relationship, the best way is to start being committed to yourself and your growth.
What have you been unwilling to do for love? Start doing what makes you feel uncomfortable and you will break free of the stuck place you are in and uncover what has been stopping you all along…YOUR FEAR.
Make a personal commitment to become the best you can be. Be willing to stick with your decision to love yourself through sickness and in health, through richer or poorer, through the good times and the bad times and you will find that a wonderful partner will come to mirror your new commitment.
Take the next step, sign up for my new Activate Your Creative Mind Course, it is only a 5-week commitment, you can handle it!
Leave A Reply (3 comments so far)
Michelle Santagate
391 days ago
Deb,
I fit all of the “dating” criteria. I’ve known for a while. My BFF and I discuss it all the time. I fear love. I fear connection. But I want it more then anything. I try and fall every time. But thankfully, and encouragingly, I don’t meet any of the Personal Development criteria. I’ve started to invest in myself and really like my own person. This, I think, will be the foundation for fixing all the problems with the first five. Loving myself and seeing value in myself is the first step to choosing a worthy and HEALTHY mate. But right now, even that last sentence gave me chills. It scares me to get intimate- emotionally- with someone. Not with friends, I do friendship SO well! But with lovers. I close down as soon as I get excited over someone. It’s so automatic I don’t think about it. Scary.
debLove
391 days ago
I had the same issue! The last thing I thought was that I was non-committal! My Inner Adam meditation in the Activate Your Creative Mind class is excellent for healing this. Very transformative.
Jenine
306 days ago
Hi Deb.
I don’t know how else to contact you on your site, sorry.
I have just discovered your book “Let Love In” by chance. I have read several chapters and I believe deeply in your theory (and practice) but I am having trouble with the self-hypnosis part. I have been searching for nearly 1 year for a legitimate hypnotherapist to have “regression” therapy to try to pinpoint my blockages – something I didn’t even know I had until some couselling after I ended my marriage of 5 years. I am now aware of these blockages, I want to be rid of them and move on with my new life. After reading this article above, I am that person. But I want to be open to receive love and to give it.
Only problem with coming to see you is, that I am in Australia!! Do you know any hypnotherapists who have 100% success rate across the seas in Australia? I have tried two hypnotherapists now and they have not managed to get me to, as you call it, a trance state. I am desperate to end these blocks and move forward. I practice positive affirmations every day of my life and I am very successfull with these in every aspect of my life, EXCEPT relationships. I believe that comes from a lack of self-worth.
Can you advise me what to do?
Jenine (Australia).